The Hash Rules*
1. No poofters**.
2. There are no rules. 
3. See rule 1. No poofters. 
4. No stealing (see hereunder - definition of stealing):
    Stealing - the covert removal of another Hasher's property with the intention of depriving said Hasher of such property for an indefinite period of time. 
5. No stealing, but borrowing is okay (see hereunder the definition of borrowing):
    Borrowing - the act of covert temporary removal of another Hasher's property (property in this instance is confined to items of a portable nature and directly related to hashing such as mugs, T-Shirts, and Viking hats). Substantial items such as kegs whilst being directly related to hashing should never be borrowed. At all times the property borrowed is held for a relatively short period of time and always returned in good order. Often such property is enhanced by suitable engraving to record for posterity the guile of the borrower. Borrowing is a complex issue and where any doubt exists the Grand Master should be consulted. 
6. No poofters. 
7. Rain is not permitted during Hash runs. The Religious Advisor is personally responsible for ensuring that fine conditions prevail for a period of not less than one hour before to one hour after the Hash. 
8. No poofters. 
9. No discrimination. Poms, unemployed, dogs, women, criminals, men, disabled, nymphomaniacs (especially nymphomaniacs), Mormons, Tax Collectors and even lawyers are all encouraged to run Hash. Alcoholics are particularly welcome. Athletes are tolerated. Athletes, dogs, and children, whilst permitted to run, can never aspire to become Grand Master.  Inanimate objects, such as flower pots, beer bottles, and rocks, are permitted to become GM, but must arrange their own transportation to the Hash.
10. Definitely no poofters. 
11. No competitiveness. 
12. Under no circumstances are poofters permitted to run Hash.
13. No training. Persons caught training will be deemed to have breached rule 11 and will be liable to a charge. A range of activities may be interpreted as training, and for guidance the following non-exhaustive list is provided:
    a) running other than official Hash runs
    b) cycling (fornication on a push bike is exempt)
    c) visiting a gymnasium for any other purpose than perving on the aerobics class
    d) using the stairs while escalators are available
    e) using the escalator while elevators are available
    e) rooting the wife/girlfriend when so pissed it is a marathon effort.
14. All Hashmen must commit to memory rules 1, 2 and 3 and be able to recite them at any hour of the day or night regardless of their state of inebriation. 
15. Poofterism will not be f*cking tolerated under any conditions. 
16. No fighting at Hash. This rule is absolute and the entire culture of Hash relies on strict adherence to this rule. If a fellow Hashman causes you immense displeasure by stealing your car or impregnating your daughter (wives are exempt) then belt sh!t out of him at some other place than the Hash.  Fights involving Jell-O and nudity are exempt from this rule at the discretion of the GM. 
17. Poofters will be shot on sight. No poofters. 
18. The RA is always right.
19. If the RA is ever wrong, refer to rule 18.
20. Amendments to Rules 1, 3, 6, 8, 10, 12, 15 and 17 are illegal. 
Note: Bestiality is not covered in these Rules due to the proliferation of New Zealand Hashes. Whilst ovine relationships are discouraged in Utah, subject to certain rules it will be tolerated:
    a) the f*cker must be of NZ birth or citizenship (No Sheep Too Fast at least visited NZ didn't he?)
    b) the f*ckee must be a ewe (no poofters!)
    c) the f*ckee must be a consenting adult
    d) the f*ckee must be reasonably attractive
As this item is not incorporated in Hash rules, all behavior covered by the above note is subject to determination by the Grand Master. 
* As there are no rules at the Hash, the word 'Rule' is only used as a close approximation
** For purposes of these rules, the term 'poofter' refers to a more liberal definition meaning someone who goes out of their way to prevent the Hash from having fun.  We do let Licks The Crack's dog Hash afterall.  However, for item (b) above regarding the ovine relationships, poofter may also be interpreted by its older definition.